With Valentine’s Day still in the back of my mind, I need to answer Harp’s question:

I’ve always herard that women face a difficult 2 out of 3 choice: Mother, Wife, Career. It is said you can only do 2 of them well. Yet you seem to be the exception.

Thoughts?

First – thanks for the vote of confidence.  It has been noted and greatly appreciated.

Second – not to shatter your image of me, but I am SO VERY NOT the exception.

Like just about every other American woman, I juggle those things, and more.  But, like any juggler, at any given time, a maximum of two of those things are firmly in hand.  The others are flying somewhere out in space, and I only hope that I aimed them well enough to catch back up with them when they come around.

I can only do about two of those things well at once – the key is that you have to rotate which two at any given time and fervently pray that it all averages out.  It’s a constant series of compromises.

I picked my current career because it allows me to dedicate time to my family.  I would have dearly loved to accept an assistant professorship at a research/teaching institution, but I had to be able to do it with the understanding that the intense long hours meant that family and marriage would take a back seat for the duration of the tenure race, if not longer.  I am just not willing to make that kind of sacrifice.  I make sacrifices for my current job (the travel being one), but they are shorter-term sacrifices, and I have a bit more flexibility to compensate.  As a scientist, I am not considered “successful”.  I am a corporate hired gun, with all the negative connotations that go with that.  But I make a comfortable income, and I can play with my kid most nights, and take the odd trip with the husband, so I can live with that.

In a compromise to my career, I waited to have kids until I was finished with school.  Two undergraduate degrees (during part of which I had to work full time) , my PhD and most of my Post-doc.  Unfortunately, this was one area where I didn’t balance well and we almost never had Harry (a world without Harry?  Blasphemy!).  And now we are limited to one.  On the plus side, I think the 40-something-year-old me is a far better mom than the 20-something-year-old me could have ever been.  This does not mean I am perfect.  I have to leave on business trips.  Harry is in daycare 7 hours every day.  I tire faster than I did at 20.  But when he needs me, I am there.  When we are together, his needs come first.  I am conscious of the passage of time, and I realize that the moments I spend with him are finite and fleeting, and I cherish them. 

Which means, I am not always the wife I could be.  I cannot even describe the intensity to which motherhood took over my brain in Harry’s first days.  The nurses couldn’t pry him from my arms. I don’t think his butt hit the bassinet more than twice the entire hospital stay.  I still tend to drop everything when he calls.  I thank heaven that I am married to someone who is as “into” daddyhood, because I think he would have lost patience long, long ago.  Sometimes the constant demands of a baby-turned toddler make me worn down and short-tempered.  Well-planned gourmet meals have taken second place to whatever is fastest to get on the table in the evening.   Until Valentine’s Day we hadn’t had a real date in years.   I have to work now to pull Kris to the forefront of my life and give him his turn.  I ironically understand the term “planned spontaneity”.  And now, sometimes Harry has to wait in line.

We all juggle.  And we all pray that somewhere down the line we don’t drop the ball.

This news, as expected as it was, sent a shock through me.

I was a Cold War baby.  Fidel Castro has been in control of Cuba since five years before I was born.  Condemnation and distrust of the nations listed in the Communist Roster was instilled in me from my earliest awareness – on the news, in school, over the dinner table.

And yet, there’s a twisted sad nostalgia at the news…

I had a GREAT Valentine’s Day weekend.

And a productive one.

Kris and I started the weekend by attending “Romance Night” at Firefly Studio.  We were one of only two couples that came in for it, but we had a lot of fun.  We worked on a sushi platter with two sauce bowls. 

Our inspiration?

Kris’s cell phone.

He has a Japanese-themed skin on his Razr from Decalgirl.  Specifically, he has this skin:

And this is the (unfired) result:

After firing it will be glossy red and black.

But that was only the start of the evening.  Afterward, it was a nice seafood dinner, and then a deluxe hotel room at the Doubletree, with an amazing view of the city and the Arkansas River, champagne, and some serious quality child-free couple time.

Saturday morning was complimentary breakfast, a trip to the Barnes and Noble Cafe, and home.

And there is more to come.   The house cleaning wasn’t the only stress-reducing gift from my husband.  This has been the best Valentine’s Day EVER!  I also have a gift certificate for a half-day of “the works” at a local day spa:  Manicure, pedicure, one hour facial and a full-hour, full body, massage.

I absolutely cannot wait.

Any of you girls want to join me?

I got back into town last night just in time to cool my heels for two and a half hours in the Little Rock Airport waiting for my mom’s plane to arrive from Minneapolis.  By the time we got home it was 1 am, and Valentine’s Day had already started.

And it had.

Waiting for me on the kitchen table were flowers in a vase, an enormous heart-shaped box of chocolate, and TWO cards.  One from each of my favorite men.  But this wasn’t the best part.

 My house.  Was.  IMMACULATE.

Top to bottom.  Floors vaccumed.  Beds made.  Dishes washed.  Counters scrubbed.  Clothes put away.

I had been a bit stressed because my business trip meant I didn’t have time to clean my house for my mom’s visit.  If you know my family history with domestic cleanliness, you would understand the degree of consternation this engenders.  Let me put it this way – the smell of Pine-Sol is nostalgic for me.

I actually had tears in my eyes.

Tomorrow, my mom will get some serious Harry-time, while Kris and I will get some serious “adult” time.  Picnic dinner from Fresh Market.  Wine in the hotel room.  Breakfast in bed.

It’s like Christmas.  Only much sexier. 

No time to blog right now – I am on my way out of town on the FIRST business trip of the year.  I have been grateful for the hiatus.

Instead I will share this with you, taken in a rare moment of serenity:

Mr and. Mrs. Awareness

 Excuse the quality of the pic – I took it with my cellphone of the new portrait on my office desk.

No reflection on the quality of us.

Gillian asked a nice series of questions.  I will tackle those first because I am just not ready for the SCA-related ones. 

 What is your favourite part of the day and why?

I think my very favorite parts of the day are the very beginning and the very end.  Those are the times I spend quietly with my son and husband.  While everything in-between tends toward the frantic, I have kept the mornings and evenings under control.  My son and I spend our quiet together time in the morning.  We eat our breakfast together in the kitchen at the big wooden table.  We sit for a while together under the blanket on the couch and watch cartoons.  Then I dress myself and him, and we go to the car together to go to school and work.  It’s a peaceful routine, and one I look forward to every morning.

In the evening, Kris and I usually cook together, or take turns cooking, we play with Harry, and bathe him, and lay down with him to go to sleep.  After he is asleep, we watch TV or talk.  It’s our wind-down time. 

 So – don’t get me wrong, I love my job, but I guess my favorite time of day is any time I am actually at home.

Do you play a musical instrument, if so, which one(s)?

I play several – none of them well.  I am currently learning violin, and though I am making pretty good progress, violin is a harsh mistress.  It’s a VERY hard instrument to learn.  But I really love it.

I also play flute, guitar, recorder, and clarinet.  All with varying levels of incompetency.  The only instruments that I can claim any expertise on are a variety of hand drums – doumbek, conga, anything that involves tapping, slapping, or otherwise bashing.  I have rhythm.

What are some of your own childhood memories?

This is harder for me to answer than you would think.  I have excellent, almost photographic, recall, but I don’t always control it.  I can think back non-specifically, and remember very little.  But if triggered by an event, smell, sound – I get memories in sharp, vivid detail.

Walking on the beach this past September in Florida, I could almost perfectly recall playing in the Carolina dunes in the spring, the green-brown shoregrass poking through the sand, the sticks of spent bottle rockets poking my feet, the rainbow pearly insides of a shell, the salty smell of sea air on my face.  The screeching of gulls always brings me back to home on the Great Lakes, watching flocks of gulls huddle on the black pavement outside my school, eyeing me with anticipatory distrust.   

I eat Cream of Wheat for the simple nostalgia of it.  I remember sitting on the wood floor in the cold of a New York winter,  fighting with my brothers for foot-room against the warm heat register, with that hot little Tupperware bowl balanced in my lap, stinging my cold hands, smoothing the lumps in my mouth with my tongue.

The smell of grease and hay will always take me back to the barn on my grandparent’s dairy farm and the hot-tractor metal tang hanging in the hazy dust of the air – the rectangular slice of light from the hayloft leaving spangles of light dancing in the rays. 

Those are the things that come to me in patchworks of memory.

Do you have any traditions that you would like your son to pass down to his family?

My family was not heavy on traditions – or maybe tradition seems to heavy a word to apply to the familiar repetitions of our life.  Our family holiday cookies – passed through at least four generations – are somehow the matriarchal way of conveying love at each significant holiday passage, cut into shapes appropriate to the season, packed into tins and shipped to colleges, new apartments, christenings.  Family dinners are eaten together at the table.  Sunday mornings are for the newspaper, fought over and parceled out by age and interest.  Our traditions are only the daily rhythms of our lives, I don’t really know any others.

Perhaps we will make our own traditions, my son and my husband and I.  And he will take what he loves with him.

I have been following this story in Galveston since this baby boy was found.  Please take a moment to say a prayer for little Alijah:

http://texascitysun.com/story.lasso?ewcd=70a90518d422dfae&-session=TheDailyNews:45936D61050e422A22Ykw28671AA

 Because I am speechless with sadness at the world.

We have a new car!

 Well, new to us – I prefer to buy one-year-old used cars, actually.   They often still have the manufacturer’s warranty, and they are a lot cheaper and generally in great shape.

Tomorrow, after they install the keyless entry, we pick up this:

A 2007 Pontiac Vibe.  Which is basically a Toyota Matrix in a Pontiac skin.

We got to drive an almost identical Vibe while we were on our vacation in Florida.  It got fantastic gas mileage – we went the whole week on 1 tank of gas.  While not exactly a huge car, the back seats fold to hold a bit of cargo if needed.

And my husband fits in it.  Which is one of our prime criteria.

We found a 2007 with only 20K miles.  For a really nice price.

 So, it’s time to say goodbye to our old Concorde, which goes to my mother next weekend.

I don’t think I’ll miss it long.

I know it’s my fault.  I know I have not exactly been prime reading material lately.  I can easily and rightfully blame it on the funk my life has fallen into.  Once you take yourself out of the blogging habit – either from an overabundance of good or bad life happening to you – it is a real bear and a half to get back into. 

I admit it.  I need spoon feeding. 

Sooooo……  I think it’s time for another shameless plea for material.  Those of you who have been around long enough – you know the drill:

 “If you read my blog regularly (and there are some IP addresses that pop up pretty frequently, so you know who you are and so do I), I want you to ask me one question that you always wanted to ask me, but never found the right moment to ask.

Now is the right moment.  I am all ears and typing fingers.  Ask me a question and I will blog you the answers.  Nothing is particularly off-limits if it within the bounds of decency.  If, however, I deem the answer will hurt or embarrass somebody other than myself, I will reserve the right to answer privately.  And I am the final arbiter of what that means, since this is, after all, my blog.

TO ALL YOU LURKERS OUT THERE, now is the time to delurk, drop a comment or an email, say hi, and keep me in material.  Otherwise, I will start chronicling my child’s daily activities in minute and gory detail until all of you are asleep and drooling on your desks.  I’m a mom.  Trust me, you will wear out before I do.”

So ask questions.  Or there will be more of this:

I think I got this once upon a time off of a social networking site called Sisterwoman.  The site itself is a wee bit on the “girly sisterpower” side for me, but the quiz suits my cheerful-but-shallow mood.  I just don’t feel like deep thinking – all my really complex thoughts are going into my work right now.

And besides – I like those little glimpses into the everyday minutae of my bloggy-friends, don’t you? 

1. What time do you get up?

As late as my 2-year-old will let me get away with.  Which usually means around 7:30 am.  I absolutely will not set an alarm.  I already have one with two legs and no snooze button.

2.  If you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be?

Right now?  It’s a toss up between Barak Obama, my best friend and my husband.  The first, because he is the presidential candidate that intrigues me the most right now, and the last two because I don’t get to spend enough quality time with them.

3.  Gold or silver?

Both.  I know I am going to take a round of hell for this, but I have skin so acid it can strip costume jewelry down to the base metal within hours, so anything worn against my skin has to be a precious metal.  I have a lot of silver for affordability, but gold looks better with my coloring.

4. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

We saw “The Bee Movie” at the dollar theater with my son.  “Cinema” is way, way too fancy a name for the experience, but the movie was cute, and the company was stellar.

5. What is/are your favorite TV show?

That’s a toughie, because it depends on my mood.  Here’s a short list of what’s on Tivo on any given night, in no particular order – Monk, Psych, House, Cold Case, Eureka, Survivorman, Heroes, CSI – New York, Without a Trace.  And I know I am forgetting things that I will think of later.

6. What did you have for breakfast? 

A glass of milk and a Special-K protein bar. 

7. Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with?

George W. Bush.  I don’t think I could trust myself not to come out arrested.

8. What inspires you?

Lots of things. It’s hard to point to a single thing. My son has been my latest inspiration – his sense of wonder is so pure that it has really given me fresh eyes to see the world and how vast and amazing it is.

9. What is your middle name? 

Lynn.  I have no idea why. 

10. Favorite ice cream?  

I’ll take all of it.  In a bucket.  With Hot Fudge.

11. Butter, plain or salted popcorn? 

Salted.  I can live without sugar and fat, but if they ever tell me I have high blood pressure, my head will just have to explode before I will give up salt.
  
12. Favorite color? 

Deep, rich, purple.

13. What kind of car do you drive?  

A Toyota Sienna minivan.  At 40 I finally gave in to being a soccer mom.  But I really want a Saturn Sky Redline

14. Favorite sandwich?

Chicken salad made with shredded chicken breast, halved grapes and walnuts on a crusty baguette with tomatoes and green leaf lettuce.  They make these at a little deli in Columbia, MO, and they are to DIE for. 

15. What characteristic do you despise? 

Condescension.  When I feel like someone is acting like their life somehow has more inherent value than another person’s life, it sets my teeth completely on edge.  It bothers me as much to see it done to someone else as it does to have it done to me.  I also despise when people confuse ignorance with stupidity and act like somehow a superior education makes them a superior being.  I am flushing red just thinking about it.

16. Favorite flower? 

Two tied for first place – Lilies and Carnations.  I LOVE the smell of carnations.  They are spicy instead of sweet, and they are one of the few “hothoused” flowers that keep their scent.  Lilies are just elegant and dignified.

17. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?

Oooh.  Hard question.  There are too many places.  But I have always wanted to go to Africa.  And Rome.

18. What color is your bathroom?

Both are a kind of pale beige.  I haven’t gotten to painting them yet.

19. Where would you retire to? 

Hmmm.  Good question.  I have no idea.  I like the concept of Hawaii, but I think being so far away from everyone would get old quick.  Ask me again in 20 years.

20. Favorite day of the week? 

Sunday.  It’s the day I don’t force myself to do anything.  I happen to like going to church.  I like reading the Sunday paper with coffee.   It’s one of those small pleasure days.

21. What did you do for your last birthday? 

My husband and I went out to dinner and then to Barnes and Noble.  It was also our anniversary.

22. Where were you born?

Rochester, NY.  In a hospital.  I can’t remember which one. 

23. Favorite sport to watch?

College Basketball.  Or sometimes College Football.  And I will admit to being mesmerized by sheep herding trials on ESPN 3.

24. What fabric detergent do you use? 

I like Tide with Bleach and I used to be a near-fanatic about it.  Now I occasionally use All – Small and Mighty, because I like to economize. 

25. Coke or Pepsi? 

I am a Diet Coke addict.  Seriously.

26. Are you a morning person or a night owl? 

Neither really.  I usually go to bed around midnight and get up at 7:30.  I tend to crap out at anything past 2am even when I am partying, but LORD I hate to get moving in the morning.  I am a mid-afternoon person. 

27. What is your shoe size? 

Most of the time, a 7.  The rest of the time, it’s 6.5

28. Do you have any pets?

Three dogs, all purebreeds and all rescues.  A Vizsla, a Greyhound and a completely insane Jack Russell Terrier.

29. What is your favorite season? 

Autumn.  Thats a throwover from my New England childhood.  I love the color of fall leaves, the smell of woodfires, the tang of new cider, the feeling of holiday anticipation, Halloween, and the color orange.  I love everything about it.

30. Tea or coffee and what kind? 

Both.  One to wake me up. One to calm me down.  I like a variety of single-origin coffees.  My favorite coffee vendor, however, is Baby’s Coffee.  Try their Voodoo Queen.  It’s the bomb. 

I drink all kinds of tea, but my most favorite are Lavender Earl Gray, which I have recommended to the world as an anti-stress agent, Oolong, and Ginger Peach Black Tea.  I prefer Revolution Teas.

31. What color pants are you wearing right now? 

Blue.  And it’s a good bet at any given time that will be the answer.  I am a blue-jeans kinda gal.