“Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them.” – Albert Einstein

I think the internet may be the only reason I am still sane.

The thing about Katrina is that it took more than our house and possessions.  It took our village.  It took our entire social structure and yanked it out from under us, and, poor magician that it was, didn’t even leave the dishes intact.

A few years ago, months after Katrina, a friend of mine was poking fun at the entire concept of the network of blogs and IM conversations that make up my life.

“Whatever happened to just talking over the fence?”

I had to bite back the retort that Katrina took away my fence.

I also had to ignore the implication, in part correct, that I needed to grow where I was planted.  I needed to make my new surroundings my home.  As someone who spent her teens and young adult years in constant travel, I understand this better than most.

But as someone who does not make friends easily, I don’t view any relationship as disposable.  The internet became my backyard fence.  IM replaced our revolving front door, that easy familiarity of knowing where the iced tea and the glasses were kept.  The IM status signs let me know that my friends were there, even when we weren’t talking.  They were the comfortable silences of my day, not always feeling the need to talk, but knowing that whenever there was something that needed saying, there was someone there, ready to listen, to share a joke, a bit of gossip, a moment of frustration.

It just isn’t enough right now.  Right now I want the comfort of silent presences.  I am in a phase of my life where I am so damned whiney that I don’t like listening to myself talk or write or even to the dialogue in my head.  I want the long quiet silence of the friends who know that sometimes it is enough to just sit and be.  Not talking, but not alone.  Just there.  Together.  Companions.

I miss you all.

December 10th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
9 Responses to “Shaking a fist at the wind”
  1. 1
    William McNaughton Says:

    So gimme your IM id and I’ll not talk to you there, too.

    Will

  2. 2
    jodifur Says:

    I’m here for you, whatever you need.

  3. 3
    Willow Says:

    Robbin, we’re not old established friends but I care a great deal about you and how you are. I know what you mean about the companion part. I’m building a network of friends but the physical presence of someone who gets you really can’t be replaced.

  4. 4
    Steph Says:

    I never made friends quickly or easily, although I’m better now than I used to be. For the early years of my adult life, I considered my housing and jobs to be temporary and transitory … places to be and things to do to support me during college. I found my friends in the SCA, but rarely formed more than superficial friendships at work and almost never with neighbors. Although I’m settled now, those patterns have stuck.

    I’m fortunate to live close by my SCA friends right now so I can frequently get that physical companionship; but I also find in a busy life, that I appreciate the blogs and internet presence that keeps me connected with friends and family.

    I’m here and thinking of you.

  5. 5
    Steph Says:

    BTW … send me a private email with your mailing address, please!

  6. 6
    OS Says:

    Comfortable silence trumps strained conversation any day. And I love the circle of blog friends for this same reason. My daily life regualry squashes my attempts at face to face time. This is a welcome substitute. Especially when so many, like you, are such great writers. Missed you lately, too. Merry Christmas if we don’t cross paths before then.

    Much love,

    Sara

  7. 7
    Bambi Says:

    miss you, miss you, miss you. So much more than I could ever tell you.
    Love ya

  8. 8
    magpie Says:

    I feel that, and I haven’t even gone anywhere.

  9. 9
    Wildwoman Says:

    I know exactly what you’re saying. I find it hard to get ‘face time’ with friends, but it’s harder not too.

    Many virtual hugs, to be replaced with real ones when we meet again.

    M.E.