Some of you have noticed a dearth of, for lack of a better term, substance, here at My Level lately. Not that this seems to bother most of you. I have said before – post deep thoughts about human nature and you get crickets chirping. Post about concrete Mexicans, and the world loves you. I suspect it has something to do with the popularity of reality TV, but that’s speculation on my part.

At present the only deep thoughts I am thinking are so introspective and whiny, that it truly would reinforce to the world that bloggers, and specifically mommy-bloggers really are the worst kind of naval gazers. I would add narcissistic, but that would imply a degree of self-regard that I am not sure applies here. Self-examination is closer to my reality at present.

In short, I am tired. I am tired of the unpleasantness in the world that I know exists, the moral outrage that I know I should (and do) feel. I find myself avoiding the news. I know children suffer and die. I know that corruption is bleeding the country. I know stupidity and cruelty and evil exists. I just can’t face it right now with any strength of conviction.

Do you think,’ said Candide, ‘that men have always massacred each other, as they do today? Have they always been liars, cheats, traitors, brigands, weak, flighty, cowardly, envious, gluttonous, drunken, grasping, and vicious, bloody, backbiting, debauched, fanatical, hypocritical, and silly?’ ~ Candide, Voltaire

And knowing the worst that the world has to offer, I have even less time and energy for the petty squabbling that every social circle, small and large, seems to spawn at a by-the-moment rate. I am tired of the trappings of self-importance taken at the expense of others, the subtle put-downs, the shallow posturing. It seems so ridiculous taken in the wide view. I have simply ceased caring who has done what to whom with what blunt social construct. So don’t tell me about them. I don’t care.

What I want right now are very simple things.

To spend time with my son and my husband.

To knit.

To get up at night to pee without a major production that wakes the entire house (impossible in a cast with crutches).

A hot bath. I would sacrifice a small chicken for a hot bath instead of showering on a plastic stool.

People are suffering all around the world much worse than I am. I get that. Really.

I just want to tend my garden.

Optimism is the madness of insisting that all is well when we are miserable. ~Candide, Voltaire.