Normally, I am a pretty happy person.  This comes as a surprise to most people who don’t know me well, because I have a rather unfortunate face.  I don’t smile a lot.  In fact, I look fairly grim most of the time.  I could always sympathize with Ringo Starr when he said “It’s just me face…”.

Reading back through this blog, I am fairly satisfied that my writing tends to reflect that I am a fairly optimistic the-sun-will-come-up-tomorrow upbeat kinda gal.

Right now, I am a little tweaked.

And, since I can’t afford a therapist to listen to me whine for an hour – Tag, you’re an It.

The gist is this: 

First, I am constantly amazed that people forget the fact that most of us travel in very tight social circles.  If something really aggregious comes out of your mouth (or out of your typing fingers), chances are nigh unto perfect that it is going to get back to the person involved.  Still, with astonishing frequency, people are appalled when they are called out about what they say.  If you aren’t willing to write it in big block letters on a billboard, then you probably shouldn’t be spouting it the company of more than your closest buddies.   You would be surprised how many people find casual slander offensive.

Second – I don’t care if you are the person who started a rumor, or who you heard it from first, or what tortuous path it took to get to you, only YOU, and you alone, are ultimately responsible for what comes out of your mouth.  If you spread misinformation YOU are guilty of carelessly passing on falsehoods.  If you didn’t get it from an authoritative source, if you didn’t call a responsible neutral party to check something before passing it on, YOU should take responsibility for the damage it causes. And – as an addendum, I don’t care if you heard it from your best friend. Why can’t we be “man enough” to realize that our friends are people, with biases and agendas just like anyone else, who may have an slanted view or an ulterior motive of their own, or may themselves just be subject to bad information?  Have a little perspective, please.

Third – Who CARES if you like somebody or not?  Why do some people feel it necessary to go out of their way to cause harm to somebody who is just as easily ignored?  And, folks?  LIKING is a highly over-rated sentiment.  I don’t need to like you to respect your accomplishments. I don’t need to like you to feel you deserve recognition for something you do.  I don’t need to like you to sympathize with your sorrows.  I don’t even need to like you to work with you.  Nobody says I have to invite you to my birthday party or even send you a Christmas card in order to have a civil conversation about a joint project.  Why do people dedicate an inordinate amount of time, effort, and emotion to make a person’s life miserable just because they don’t like them?  Nobody is going to be liked by everyone.  Mother Teresa had her detractors. 

Even worse – why do we feel compelled to go to great extremes to make people BELIEVE that we like them, and then turn around and vilify them behind their backs?  If I don’t like you, I don’t like you and believe me, you will be the first to know.  I am willing to be at least cordial to facilitate a necessary interaction, but I will be plain about it.  And, outside of that necessary interaction, there is no fear of anything like a smear campaign from me.  Oh, I may vent to my very closest friends, but I am plain that it is just that – venting.  We all do that for sanity’s sake.  If I had a penney for everytime I said “I don’t get along with Ms. XX, so please be aware I may have biases,” I could run out to Starbucks right now for the latte I have been craving all morning.  But I am just not going to waste enough brainpower to engage in long gossip sessions about you, or orchestrate anything like an attempt at revenge.  It’s ridiculous, it’s wasteful, and worst of all in the pantheon of my sins – it’s undignified.

It is wrong to expect the same courtesies?

I guess what I am saying is – Be Honest.  Be Fair.  And if you can’t, move on and let go, for the love of pete.

And now, I am going to go and take my own advice.