“Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them.” – Albert Einstein

Today, two young boys lost their mother.  And their father lost the love of his life.  She was 29 years old.  She was healthy and vibrant and alive three weeks before.  There wasn’t time for her to say goodbye.

I know this woman only through the words of her husband, who shared his story of love and loss openly.  In his sorrow, he gave us a gift by showing us a glimpse of a love that transcends crisis, that took doubt and human frailty and turned it into something beautiful.  He had the courage to share his pain.  And he reminded us how very fragile our passage through this life can be.

There are no words of comfort I can offer to ease his pain or to fill the hole left in his heart.  There is nothing that will compensate her sons for the loss of her love and her wisdom as they find their way through the paths of childhood. The only thing useful I can do is to hold even closer those I hold precious, and take away the message never to wait to say the things we want, we need, to say to the people we love.

To my family – However dysfunctional our interactions seem at times, I would not be who I am without the foundation I was given.  We never had much, but we had everything we needed.  I learned everything about hard work and integrity and self-respect that has allowed me to navigate this insane world, and in today’s modern times, that’s saying a lot.  I love everyone of you, even though the distance that separates us keeps us from sharing the table often enough. 

To my friends – I consider myself truly blessed by the people that have seen past my socially incompetent, rigid, linear-thinking, harsh-wit outside and managed to not only tolerate me, but even seem to like my company.  I have debts to many of you that I will live my lifetime unable to repay.  You have seen me through the hardest times of my life, and made sure that at no point during them did I feel abandoned or alone.  Thank you for the laughter, the tears, the hugs, the campfire stories, and the drunken songs.  Thank you for holding my hand, for watching my son, for sheltering my head in a storm.  Thanks for the hard work, the sacrifice, the beatings when I needed it, and the love when I didn’t deserve it.  Believe me, it is returned 110%.

To my husband – I feel I have loved you for an eternity.  Somedays I still can’t believe that somebody so wonderful loves me back.  Sometimes, I look across the field to find you, and you still take my breath away.  I have never known another soul so beautiful or another heart so full.  You are the half of me that has given me my whole life, and there isn’t enough love in the universe to fill the hole you would make if I lost you.  MTAMTE baby, Forever and ever.

To my son – it is a parent’s curse to know that their children will never fully understand how completely they are loved, until they have children of their own.  Harry – I never knew the meaning of unconditional love until I saw your sweet face and realized I would die to protect you.   I never tire of hearing your tiny sing-songing voice in the morning, and seeing your little spinning dance when you greet me at the door.  If I could hold a moment in time, I would freeze a minute of your innocent babyhood, so I could take it out and re-experience it forever.  My love for you is like a pressure in my chest that expands until the pain and the joy of it fills my eyes and I can barely breathe because there is no room for my lungs to expand around the feeling.  Though my arms cannot reach forward to embrace the entirety of your life, my soul will never leave you.  “Mommy loves you” does not even begin to describe the depth of my emotion.  You are a part of my very being, and I pray every morning that I am granted one more day to see the wonder that you will become, and I thank God for sending me my little miracle.  Always remember that I am there.

Never take for granted each day that you are given.  Seize it with both hands and squeeze every drop of life out of it.  Dance just as fast as you can.

November 17th, 2006 at 1:20 pm