“Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them.” – Albert Einstein

I now measure my life in fiscal years.  No longer is January the month of reflection.  No longer will I spend the time after Christmas reviewing the joys and pains of the year past.  June 29th is the day in which I will turn over my years and measure my time.

This little man:

My Birthday Boy!

is one year old today.

Before his birth, I don’t think I ever fully realized the tenousness of life or the transitory sadness of time.  I never understood the desire to freeze a moment for eternity.  Now I wish I could hold him in the sweet innocence of babyhood against my heart forever.  While I rejoice at each little victory as he moves forward to seize his moment in the world, I mourn that each tiny step declares his independence from the delicate oneness that we formed in the earliest days of his life.  I love him with a depth and a breadth that transcends any measure of unconditional love I ever imagined.  Each year I will count grudgingly and joyfully against the time I will have to spend on this earth watching him grow.  It will never be enough.

The profundity of that realization has served as a beacon during the darkest times of the year since his birth.  By fixing my gaze on his future with single-minded intensity, I was able to navigate through my mother’s cancer, the loss to Katrina of my home and the tangible memories of my past, the agonizing months on the road and ultimately our permanent displacement and my complete change of career and lifestyle.  His blissful ignorance and the simplicity of his needs placed the trappings of my loss in sharp perspective.  We learn from our children far more than we can ever hope to teach them in return. 

Welcome to Year One, A.H.  – After Hieronymus.

June 29th, 2006 at 3:05 pm
4 Responses to “Milestones”
  1. 1
    Bambi Says:

    Happy birthday Harry!! I wish I were there to see him grow up each day.

  2. 2
    Sheila Says:

    That reminds me of this poem:

    La Vita Nuova

    In that book which is
    My memory . . .
    On the first page
    That is the chapter when
    I first met you
    Appear the words . . .
    Here begins a new life

    Dante Alighieri

    Snuggle him good, read to him, take time to watch the inch worms and ants with him and see the would through those eyes. It never ceases to amaze me that what seemed like the longest years passed by so quickly.

  3. 3
    Robbin Says:

    That was so sweet! I will have to put that in his baby book!

  4. 4
    Sarah Says:

    That is a great poem!